eggscellent (kermit's lament)

Okay, today's rant was brought to you from a generous grant from the Bjork-rubbing-an-egg-on-her-head society, a subsidiary corporation of Freaky Madam Kinkypants. (That's a legitimate company, look it up :) So much weirdness in the world, where should I start? Maybe with the libido killing subject of Gary Busey and his horsey, Chiclet teeth. No, too disturbing. Did anyone want to eat fiberglass insulation when they were little because it reminded them of cotton candy? I also used to chew on random strips of rubber piping so maybe my early culinary desires weren't entirely Beaverton wholesome. After watching Miami Vice with a  few friends when I was about ten, I snorted cherry Kool-Aid through a plastic straw. Apparently, Columbian drug lords had an early influence in my life. The point is, I was bred and wired to be odd and nobody expected me to turn out normal. Meet my family or visit the south and you'll understand completely. Most people are outside the norm. This cult of normality is way overrated and creepy like clowns. If coulrophobia is the fear of clowns, what is the fear of normal people? (because I think I have it). Soccer moms with Hillary Clinton hair give me hives. I never know what to say to somebody like that--"How are Jacob and Madison enjoying Hannah Montana?" I barely know who that is and I have as much mastery of suburban pop culture as George W. Bush has of English. I've always gravitated towards things that are odd, geeky and freaky so I don't see the point of 5 million medical or lawyer tv shows. Isn't Grey's Anatomy just LA Law in scrubs? I hate shit like that...I'll take Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Six Feet Under any day over that garbage. Okay, I'll dust off the soap box and give it a rest. Adieu.