Soothe

I've had a rather stressful week which I won't recount on this blog. Stress isn't easy for anybody to deal with but it's particularly precarious for folks like me in recovery.  Recent events have given me the opportunity to ruminate on how I take care of myself. It has taken me years of practicing to be able to grasp an iota of what self-soothing entails. My prior instinct was to run screaming and flailing toward self-destruction and to anesthetize all feelings. I can't do that and stay alive anymore. Being gentle with myself isn't a nice Hallmark sentiment, it is a daily necessity. Right now I am tired. Sometimes I doubt my recent actions, I wonder if I am following God's will or if I have trespassed into self-will run riot. I try to do the right thing and remain open to loving all God's creatures. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my friend Dunya. She bailed me out of so many horrible situations over the years and continues to remain a loving, accepting force in my life. I literally would not be where I am spiritually without her presence. As I write that, I smile to myself. I have been on the other side of helping a friend out lately--a friend that placed a great heap of importance on my assistance.  Now I think I might understand why Dunya shirked when I did the same thing to her. Many of us do the best we can with the tools we have in a certain situation. I coped the best that I could back then and now it is my turn to pay it forward. I'm not a great sage or a highly evolved person for just handing someone a rope. They still have to do the climbing. This rant doesn't have as much to do with self-soothing as I thought it would but I'm not sure that spouting out words about techniques or methods is really the point. The root of my strength is gratitude. Without gratitude I wouldn't have the connection I have with my higher power. I wouldn't live in awe and appreciation at the wonderful, nourishing life that I have.  I might be feeling a measure of fatigue and sadness but I know that I will be taken care of...everything I need is right here with me in this moment. That's all I have for now. I hope something in here may help whoever reads this. Good night.