Dear Santa

I know it's been a tough season. Elves everywhere have been laid off; Rudolph just tried to sell a kidney on E-bay. I doubt even your 401K is thriving so I know it's a lot to ask but I figure it probably isn't the most outrageous request you've ever heard: all I want for Christmas is a bailout. Others may just want their two front teeth but I don't like to brown nose you or be dishonest. (I remember the time with the coal in the stocking. It's still stained). Anyhow, I know I gave you a tall order but I'm willing to do my part to "earn" my bailout. Here's my new list to you:

Things Jack is willing to do for a bailout: (creative title, eh?)

1. I would legally change my name to Fannie Mae Chrysler. I thought about Freddie MacFord but the name sounded like a Detroit porn star so I scraped it.

2. I would fly to the North Pole on a leer jet to make my request in person.

3. As an American, I would volunteer W and Dickie to help assemble toys. W might not be able to put the legos together but he could probably paint a wagon if you put the right color paintbrush in his hand.

4. I would cut back my coffee intake and attend Coffeeholics Anonymous meetings.

5. I would detail the inside of your sled and even buff it with turtle wax :)

All my love to the Mrs. Tell Rudolph I'll pick him up some reindeer greenies.

Jack

P.S. Snickerdoodle, chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin?